LaUGH…UnLimIted….

           RAMU, SHAMU, DHAMU WERE WALKING ON THE BEACH. SUDDENLY SOMETHING GOT STUCK ON RAMU’S LEG. RAMU WHEN LOOKED DOWN HE SAW A LAMP. HE TOOK THAT LAMP AND WHILE CLEANING A GENIE CAME OUT OF IT.

GENIE : “MASTERS…I AM YOUR SLAVE. YOU THREE OF THEM CAN ASK THREE WISHES, AND I WILL BE LIABLE TO CARRY OUT THOSE WISHES. PLEASE ORDER ME…”

RAMU :” OKAY.. THEN.. TAKE ME TO DISNEY LAND, ITS MY FAVOURITE PLACE TO VISIT “

GENIE : “AS YOUR WISH, MASTER”

WITHIN SECONDS RAMU WENT TO DISNEY LAND.

GENIE:(POINTING TOWARDS SHAMU) “MASTER NOW ITS YOU CHANCE, MAKE A WISH PLEASE”

SHAMU: “I WANT TO GO TO AN ISLAND WHERE ME AND ONLY BEAUTIFUL GIRLS ARE THERE”

GENIE:”AS YOUR WISH, MASTER”

SHAMU REACHED TO AN ISLAND WITH BEAUTIFUL GIRLS WITHIN SECONDS

GENIE:”NOW ITS YOUR TURN”

DHAMU:(SHOUTING) “I AM AFFRAID WITHOUT MY FRIENDS… I WANT BOTH OF THEM BACKKK..!!!”

         ANITHA GOT MARRIED ONE DAY. HER MOTHER ONE DAY WENT TO HER HOUSE FOR THE VISIT. TO HER SURPRISE ANITHA WAS FOUND NAKED. WHEN SHE WAS ASKED ABOUT THIS SHE REPLIED,”MOTHER, THIS IS MY LOVE DRESS”. HOW IS IT?. I WILL BE BACK HOME WITHIN FEW WEEKS. SO MOTHER WENT BACK TO HOME.

FEW WEEKS LATER, ANITHA WENT TO HER HOUSE. SHE WAS NAKED ON THAT DAY TOO. MOTHER ASKED ANITHA,”WHAT IS THIS ANITHA????? WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS????”

ANITHA REPLIED,”MOTHER, THIS IS MY LOVE DRESS. I TOLD YOU THAT DAY. ITS VERY COMFORTABLE AND IT KEEPS THE MARRIAGE SPICY”

LATER THAT NIGHT, ANITHA’S MOTHER DECIDED TO GIVE IT A TRY. SHE BECAME NAKED AND WAITED FOR HER HUSBAND. WHEN HE CAME HOME, HE BECAME SURPRISED AND ASKED,”HEY..!!! WHAT IS THIS???” THEN SHE REPLIED,”HONEY, THIS IS MY LOVE DRESS. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT?” HER HUSBAND THINKS FOR A LONG AND SAID,”YOU SHOULD HAVE IRONED IT..!!!”

After having their 11th child, Laloo & Rabri decided that was enough. So then Laloo went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife did not want any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a Diwali bomb, light it, put it in a empty Coke can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. Laloo said to the doctor, “I’m the smartest man in Bihar, but I don’t see how putting a Diwali atom bomb in a Coke can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem.” So the couple drove to Delhi to get a second opinion. The Delhi physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed by their Medical records that they were from Bihar. This doctor instead told Laloo to go home and get a Diwali atom bomb, light it, place it in a Coke can and hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians knew what they were talking about and couldn’t be wrong, Laloo went home, lit a atom bomb, put it in a coke can. He held it up to his ear and began to count with his fingers on his left hand : “1,2,3, 4,5″ At which point he paused, placed the coke can between his legs and resumed counting on the other hand.

            ONE DAY LITTLE VINU TOLD SINU THAT MOST ADULTS HIDES ATLEAST ONE DARK SECRET, FROM WHICH WE CAN BLACKMAIL THEM. JUST SAY “I KNOW THE WHOLE TRUTH”. WE CAN MAKE BENEFIT OUT OF THAT.

           SINU WENT HOME AND TOLD HIS MOTHER,”I KNOW THE WHOLE TRUTH”. SINU’S MOTHER GOT SCARED AND QUICKLY GAVE SINU Rs.100 AND TOLD HIM,”MY DEAR BOY PLEASE DONT TELL YOUR DADDY.”

          SINU BECAME VERY HAPPY. WHEN HIS FATHER CAME, HE SAID TO HIS FATHER,”I KNOW THE WHOLE TRUTH”. FATHER GOT SCARED AND QUICKLY GAVE SINU Rs.100 AND TOLD HIM,”MY DEAR BOY PLEASE DONT TELL YOUR MOTHER.”

          NEXT DAY, HE SAW HIS NEIGHBOR WALKING THROUGH THE ROAD LOOKING AT HIM. SINU DECIDED TO EXPERIMENT HIS MASTERPIECE. HE WENT NEAR TO HIM AND SAID,”I KNOW THE WHOLE TRUTH.”

          IMMEDIATELY WITH TEARS THAT MAN CAME NEAR TO HIM,”COMMON DEAR, GIVE DADDY A BIG HUG”

 THE WRITINGS MADE BY DOCTORS IN THE HOSPITAL.

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills , but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert butforgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
25. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

             RAJU AND MANU ARE TWO PATIENTS IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL. MANU WAS LIKE A EMOTIONAL TYPE. ONE DAY MANU ATTEMPTED FOR A SUICIDE. FORTUNATELY RAJU SAW THIS AND PULLED HIM OUT OF THE BATHTUB.

           IT WAS A HUGE SURPRISE FOR EVERY DOCTORS IN THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE  RAJU WAS MORE VIOLENT WHEN HE WAS FIRST ADMITTED TO THE HOSPITAL. ONE OF THE SENIOUR DOCTOR REVIEWED HIS FILE AND CALLED HIM TO THE OFFICE.

          DOCTOR: “OK RAJU..I JUST VERIFIED YOUR FILE, I THINK YOU ARE MENTALLY FIT NOW, YOU CAN LEAVE THIS HOSPITAL ANY MOMENT.”

          RAJU:”THANKU DOCTOR. YOU ARE RITE I AM FEELING MUCH BETTER NOW.”

          DOCTOR: “YOU ARE SO HEROIC TOO, YOU SAVED MANU YESTERDAY,  BUT, THAT MAN  YOU SAVED FROM THE BATHTUB, LATER KILLED HIMSELF WITH A ROPE AROUND THE NECK  ”

         RAJU: “OH , HE DIDNT KILL HIMSELF, I HUNG HIM UP TO DRY”

           IN A COLLEGE, PROFESSOR WAS FED UP OF ONE OF HIS STUDENT WHO ALWAYS CAME LATE TO HIS CLASS . AT THE FINAL SESSION OF EVERY CLASS, HE USED TO ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT HE TAUGHT. SO HE WENT AROUND THE CLASS ASKING SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT THE DAY’S LECTURE AND HE SURELY PICKED UP THAT LATE STUDENT TOO.

          THE PROFESSOR LOOKED AT THAT STUDENT SHARPLY AND ASKED,”YOU MUST KNOW THE ANSWER OF THIS QUESTION… WHO PUTFORWARD THE ‘FOURTEEN PRINCIPLES OF MANAGEMENT’ ???”

           “SORRY SIR, I DON’T KNOW.”, THE STUDENT ANSWERED.

          THE PROFESSOR GOT ANGRY AND SAID,”IT’S ONLY BECAUSE YOU COME TO CLASS LATE, IF YOU HAD COME TO MY CLASS EARLIER YOU COULD HAVE ANSWERED THIS QUESTION”

          THE STUDENT REPLIED,”SIR, HOW CAN IT BE…I NEVER PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR CLASS…!!!”

         IT WAS MANU’S 35TH BIRTHDAY. HE WAS VERY SAD BECAUSE HIS WIFE AND KIDS FORGOT HIS BIRTHDAY. HE WAS EXPECTING THEM TO WISH HIM AT THE MORNING ITSELF. HE WENT TO HIS OFFICE VERY SAD. WHEN HE REACHED OFFICE, HIS ASSISTANT SUNITHA WISHED,”HAPPY BIRTHDAY….SIR..!!!” MANU WAS VERY HAPPY AND THOUGHT ATLEAST SHE REMEMBERED HIS BIRTHDAY.

        AT THE TIME OF LUNCH, SUNITHA TOLD MANU,”SIR, ITS A WONDERFUL DAY RITE.. WHY DONT WE HAVE LUNCH FROM OUTSIDE AND GO TO MY FLAT AND ENJOY YOUR BIRTHDAY THERE”. MANU THOUGHT FOR A LITTLE WHILE AND AGREED. AFTER THE LUNCH BOTH OF THEM WENT TO HER FLAT. HE WAS VERY ANXIOUS TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. HE HAD MANY CALCULATIONS IN HIS MIND, BECAUSE SUNITHA WAS BEHAVING IN A DIFFERENT MANNER. 

       SUNITHA TOLD HIM.”SIR, I WILL BE RITE BACK…”  SHE WENT TO HER BEDROOM. MANU WAS VERY MUCH SURE OF WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT.

       SHE WENT TO BEDROOM, AFTER 5 MINUTES, CAME OUT CARRYING A HUGE BIRTH DAY CAKE FOLLOWED BY MANU’S WIFE, KIDS, HIS FRIENDS, ALL SINGING “ HAPPY BIRTHDAY MANU”.

      THEY FOUND MANU…..

 WEARING NO PANTS..WAITING FOR ….!!!!!!

Raju  and his wife Anila were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the Raju realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to New Delhi. He was very angry with her so he didn’t want to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5.00 am.”
The next morning the Raju woke up,when he looked at the time , it was 7:25 am, and that he had missed his flight. Angrily, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed … it said… “It is 5.00am;  honey wake up.”

Feeling moody, a man took a hot bath.
Just as he became comfortable, the doorbell rang.
The man got out of the tub, put on his slippers and robe and went to the door.A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any brushes.Slamming the door, the man returned to the bath.The doorbell rang again. On went the slippers and robe, and the man started for the door again. He took one step, slipped on a wet spot, fell backward, and hit his back against the hard porcelain bathtub.Cursing under his breath, the man struggled into his street clothes and with every move a stab of pain, drove to the doctor.
After checking him, the doctor said, “You know, you are very lucky.
Nothing is broken. But you need to relax…
Why don’t you go home and take a long hot bath?”