LaUGH…UnLimIted….

           IN A COLLEGE, PROFESSOR WAS FED UP OF ONE OF HIS STUDENT WHO ALWAYS CAME LATE TO HIS CLASS . AT THE FINAL SESSION OF EVERY CLASS, HE USED TO ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT HE TAUGHT. SO HE WENT AROUND THE CLASS ASKING SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT THE DAY’S LECTURE AND HE SURELY PICKED UP THAT LATE STUDENT TOO.

          THE PROFESSOR LOOKED AT THAT STUDENT SHARPLY AND ASKED,”YOU MUST KNOW THE ANSWER OF THIS QUESTION… WHO PUTFORWARD THE ‘FOURTEEN PRINCIPLES OF MANAGEMENT’ ???”

           “SORRY SIR, I DON’T KNOW.”, THE STUDENT ANSWERED.

          THE PROFESSOR GOT ANGRY AND SAID,”IT’S ONLY BECAUSE YOU COME TO CLASS LATE, IF YOU HAD COME TO MY CLASS EARLIER YOU COULD HAVE ANSWERED THIS QUESTION”

          THE STUDENT REPLIED,”SIR, HOW CAN IT BE…I NEVER PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR CLASS…!!!”

         IT WAS MANU’S 35TH BIRTHDAY. HE WAS VERY SAD BECAUSE HIS WIFE AND KIDS FORGOT HIS BIRTHDAY. HE WAS EXPECTING THEM TO WISH HIM AT THE MORNING ITSELF. HE WENT TO HIS OFFICE VERY SAD. WHEN HE REACHED OFFICE, HIS ASSISTANT SUNITHA WISHED,”HAPPY BIRTHDAY….SIR..!!!” MANU WAS VERY HAPPY AND THOUGHT ATLEAST SHE REMEMBERED HIS BIRTHDAY.

        AT THE TIME OF LUNCH, SUNITHA TOLD MANU,”SIR, ITS A WONDERFUL DAY RITE.. WHY DONT WE HAVE LUNCH FROM OUTSIDE AND GO TO MY FLAT AND ENJOY YOUR BIRTHDAY THERE”. MANU THOUGHT FOR A LITTLE WHILE AND AGREED. AFTER THE LUNCH BOTH OF THEM WENT TO HER FLAT. HE WAS VERY ANXIOUS TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. HE HAD MANY CALCULATIONS IN HIS MIND, BECAUSE SUNITHA WAS BEHAVING IN A DIFFERENT MANNER. 

       SUNITHA TOLD HIM.”SIR, I WILL BE RITE BACK…”  SHE WENT TO HER BEDROOM. MANU WAS VERY MUCH SURE OF WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT.

       SHE WENT TO BEDROOM, AFTER 5 MINUTES, CAME OUT CARRYING A HUGE BIRTH DAY CAKE FOLLOWED BY MANU’S WIFE, KIDS, HIS FRIENDS, ALL SINGING “ HAPPY BIRTHDAY MANU”.

      THEY FOUND MANU…..

 WEARING NO PANTS..WAITING FOR ….!!!!!!

Raju  and his wife Anila were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the Raju realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to New Delhi. He was very angry with her so he didn’t want to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5.00 am.”
The next morning the Raju woke up,when he looked at the time , it was 7:25 am, and that he had missed his flight. Angrily, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed … it said… “It is 5.00am;  honey wake up.”

Feeling moody, a man took a hot bath.
Just as he became comfortable, the doorbell rang.
The man got out of the tub, put on his slippers and robe and went to the door.A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any brushes.Slamming the door, the man returned to the bath.The doorbell rang again. On went the slippers and robe, and the man started for the door again. He took one step, slipped on a wet spot, fell backward, and hit his back against the hard porcelain bathtub.Cursing under his breath, the man struggled into his street clothes and with every move a stab of pain, drove to the doctor.
After checking him, the doctor said, “You know, you are very lucky.
Nothing is broken. But you need to relax…
Why don’t you go home and take a long hot bath?”

      MANU WAS SITTING COMFORTABLY READING HIS BOOK  INSIDE THE FLIGHT. A STRANGER CAME AND SAT BESIDE HIS SEAT. HE TURNED TO MANU AND SAID,”HELLO… MYSELF RIYAZ, ITS VERY BORING SITTING SIMPLY INSIDE THE FLIGHT FOR LONG HOURS. I HAVE HEARD THAT FLIGHT WILL GO QUICKER IF YOU STRIKE UP A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR FELLOW PASSENGER”
MANU CLOSED HIS BOOK AND ASKED HIM,”OK. WHAT YOU WANT TO DISCUSS ?”RIYAZ REPLIED,”HOW ABOUT NUCLEAR POWER ?” MANU SAID,”OK, BEFORE THAT LET ME ASK A QUESTION. A HORSE, A COW AND A DEER ALL EAT GRASS. DEER EXCRETES LITTLE PALLET, COW TURNS OUT A FLAT PATTY, AND A HORSE PRODUCES CLUMPS OF DRIED GRASS, WHY DO YOU SUPPOSE THAT IS?”
RIYAZ SAID,”OOPZ..!!! I AM SORRY I DON’T KNOW.”
MANU REPLIED,”WELL, HOW IS IT THAT YOU FEEL QUALIFIED TO DISCUSS NUCLEAR POWER WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT???? “

      Arun was not able to sleep, his mind was disturbed. He went to a psychiatrist to cure his problem.

Arun: “Doctor, i have a serious problem, I am not able to sleep. Whenever I go to bed for sleeping, I feels like somebody is under my bed. When i get under it, I feel somebody on top of it”

Doctor: “Ohh..dont worry….!!! I can cure you.. within six months, come to me once in a week”

Arun: “How much do you charge?”

Doctor: “Rs.1000 per visit”

Arun: “Ok..doctor”

After three  months, when doctor met Arun in a market..

Doctor:”OHH…ARUN..!!! why did’nt you come for treatment all these days”

Arun: “SIR, Rs.1000 for a single visit is too much, one of my friend cured my disease for free”

Doctor:”HOW..???”

Arun: “He told me to cut the legs of the bed” 

AnyBody…..thErE…????

A man was seriously hospitalized due to an accident. He had a severe head injury. Doctors said he need an immediate surgery to save his life. Fortunately the hospital was under catholic missionaries and he was cared by a group of nuns. His surgery was successful and he somewhat recovered the crucial situation.
After few days when he got consciousness, a NUN asked him questions regarding how he would like to pay for his treatment. The nun asked,”Do you have medical insurance”, The man said “NO”. Then the nun asked,’You have any money with you in the bank’, the man said,”NO MONEY IN THE BANK”.THE NUN ASKED,”DO YOU HAVE ANY RELATIVE, WHO COULD HELP YOU”, THE MAN REPLIED”OHH..YAA..!! I HAVE A SPINSTER SISTER WHO IS A NUN”, The nun got angry and shouted at him,”"Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married 2 God.” The man continued,”Then do one thing, send the hospital bill to my BROTHER-IN-LAW “

                THERE WERE THREE FRIENDS IN A VILLAGE. ONCE THEY WENT TO TOWN TO SEE THE PLACES. WHEN THEY REACHED THE TOWN, THEY FELT VERY TIRED AND DECIDED TO TAKE REST. THEY WENT TO NEARBY HOTEL AND TOOK A ROOM FOR RENT AND WENT TO SLEEP. AFTER FEW MINUTES ONE OF THEM JUMPED ON TO THE BED WHERE THERE FRIENDS WERE SLEEPING AND YELLED.”HEYYY.. THERE IS A POOL OUTSIDE THE HOTEL ROOM… AND IF YOU DIVE FROM THERE YELLING OUT YOUR WISH, IT WILL BE FULLFILLED”

 

                           ALL OF THEM GOT EXCITED AND DECIDED TO GIVE A TRY.

 

                  FIRST GUY IS A VEGETARIAN HE JUMPED SAYING, “BANANAAAS”

AND LANDS IN A POOL OF BANANAS.

 

                 SECOND GUY  IS A MONEY HUNGRY PERSON, HE YELLED OUT “MONEYYYYY”

 AND LANDS IN A PILE OF MONEY.

 

                THIRD GUY JUMPS, WHEN A BIRD SHITS ON HIS HEAD AND HE YELLS OUT…

 

“OHHH…SHITTTTT…”

 

               

Shyam had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet Shyam’s WIFE Anitha had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to SENSES, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, ” You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired from my job, You were there to support me.
When my business failed, You were there.
When I got shot, You were by my side.
When we lost the house, You stayed right here.
When my health started failing, You were still by my side.
You know what?”
“What dear?” Anitha asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth with love for him
Shyam” I think you’re MY bad luck “GET..LOST…..!!!!!

               A SHOPPING COMPLEX GOT FIRED. THERE WERE ELEVEN PEOPLE INSIDE THE BUILDING, TEN MEN AND A WOMAN. FIRE FORCE DEPARTMENT CAME FOR THEIR HELP IN A HELICOPTER. ALL OF THEM CLIMBED THE ROPE WHICH WAS PUT FOR THEIR HELP FROM THE FIRE FORCE MEN.UNFORTUNATELY, THE ROPE WAS NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO CARRY THEM ALL. SO THEY DECIDED THAT ONE HAS TO DROP OFF, OTHERWISE THEY ALL ARE GOING TO FALL. BUT THEY WERE CONFUSED IN CHOOSING THE PERSON.

           AT THAT TIME WOMEN MADE A VERY TOUCHING SPEECH. SHE SAID,”I WILL LET GO OFF THE ROPE, BECAUSE AS A WOMAN I USED TO GIVE UP EVERYTHING FOR MY HUSBAND AND KIDS, AND FOR MEN IN GENERAL WITHOUT EVER EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN”

        AS SOON AS THE WOMEN FINISHED HER SPEECH, ALL THE MEN STARTED CLAPPING THEIR HANDS….!!!!